My life feels so, so, SO different than it did a mere 3 or 4 years ago. During that season, I was in the darkest valley I’ve ever known… dealing with heartbreak, loss of dreams and visions of the future, and walking through a pregnancy alone in the midst of a soul-crushing divorce. Writing was my creative outlet. It was the time I set aside for me, to process, to journal. It’s also the place where God met me. In my loneliness, He showed up in big ways to whisper right to my soul, “I am with you.”
Then, as Justin came into my life I felt the need to protect our love and what was blooming. I journaled for myself and didn’t publicly bring you all into my dating life.
Recently, I’ve felt the urge to write about this new season of my life — the incredible way God has turned the ashes of my broken heart into the joy of a new chapter. A new marriage and being newlyweds. A new baby and how different it is parenting with another parent and not being a single mom.
This new season is filled with so much, already packed to the brim, so when do I possibly find the time to write in the midst of working from home with two little ones?
I’ve also struggled with what to write… how to say all the things that are in my heart and share the countless testimonies of how God has shown up in large and small ways.
Then, there’s the part of me that thinks, “I’m in a new season of life with a new husband, a new baby and so much REDEMPTION! Let’s move full steam ahead. Forget the old, we’re moving on into the new!”
But a few weekends ago I had the privilege to attend the Influence Conference and I heard God whispering to my heart, “But I haven’t called you to just speak about only the new things. I want you to talk to other women going through what you did. Speak to them. Tell them that I am a GOOD FATHER who has GOOD things prepared in advance for them. Tell them I’m with them.”
Part of me wants to move on, to not walk you through the pain, the hard places, because that’s going to be tough on me and maybe you too. But I know that’s not what God is calling me to. He’s calling me to go back to those places, to write about them in light of His never-changing goodness and love.
Please forgive me for verbally (or electronically) processing, but here’s what I know: that God is honored when we share our testimonies of how He’s rescued us and redeemed our lives. And that we also need to be healed before we share. Some writers don’t take that stance, but I’ve found that for me to heal best it means that I process my junk, the messiest parts of me and my heart, before God and my husband and with a safe group of people. Then, only after God has dealt with me, do I share publicly.
While I don’t believe in living in your past, or even dwelling there, I’m going to look back into this season with you to connect the dots and show you how God literally went before me every step of the way. I hope to be a voice to women (and men) who are going through a hard season like divorce. I hope to speak to you: your life isn’t over and God is just beginning to do the big work. The life-changing work.
“The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NASB
What are you walking through right now? Do you believe that He is going ahead of you? Do you really believe that He won’t fail you or forsake you? Take time to ponder in your heart what you’re fearing, and ask God to meet you and show you how He’s walking with you today.
(Photo of me during this dark season by Laura Reaux Photo)